You set a goal. You make a plan. You start to follow it. Eventually, you will ‘fail’. As soon as you miss one meal, notice how quickly it is labeled as a failure. Sometimes this leads to believing it is too hard, you’ve already messed up, and you will start again on Monday. So, you may as well make it count. This may lead to eating more than we normally would if we were not on a ‘diet’ at all. This is all or nothing thinking.

You quit too early because you don’t know it is part of the process to actually do things badly in order to learn. Plan on the failure. The failure shows you what you need to pay attention to.

Notice the similarities people have in their weight loss attempts. Observe your own patterns in the past. It can be helpful to look back and observe what got in the way.

Let me give an example. Most of the time we just say, ‘I needed to stick with the plan no matter what,’ or ‘I should have stuck with it and maintained my commitment.’ While this is a solution, it may not be taking into account something that may need to be addressed to be successful long term. In looking back you may observe that certain situations are more challenging.

Now, some people seem to have a skill and mindset and just need to get back on track. Getting back on track without beating oneself up, can be one higher calorie meal instead of a whole day of high calories, then a whole week. The ‘I have already blown it’ outlook can lead the opposite way. This can turn into a self punishment and bleed into other areas. Believing we messed up our eating in an all or nothing world can turn into not exercising, even if we want to move.

Instead, I would suggest looking back with the kindest observation you can and understand better about what caught you off guard. Here are some questions to ask to help observe. Remember, you can just get back on track, but if you identify a pattern, you can plan for it better.

While I do believe focusing on the solution is the only way, you need to understand what the problem is first.

What was the circumstances? Was it a celebration, holiday, birthday, barbecue?

Are you allowing enough transition time? Families have a lot going on these days. Are you allowing enough time to eat dinner? Only you can decide what is best for your family and how many after school activities your kids are involved in. Maybe you need time for dinner? A crockpot meal made ahead of time?

No time to chill? If you find yourself in front of the fridge after the kids go to bed because it is the only alone time you have, that may be something to consider what you really want to do with that time. I would encourage finding and stealing some more time to yourself.

Alcohol? It usually isn’t one or two drinks that get us off track. It is the lowered inhibitions, the drinking more, the alcohol pushers. Stick to your plan. Get a glass of water in-between. Enjoy the conversation.

Eating out? Look at the menu ahead of time. If that is not available, ask the server what the healthiest options are. Suggest another place.

Were you tired from not sleeping enough? Not sleeping enough can drive up your hunger hormone, ghrelin.

Were you dehydrated? Many, many times we eat more because we are thirsty.

Waited too long to eat? Arriving home too hungry and not having a plan with food or food ready to go can set you up for a very vulnerable moment.

Trying to be too good then overeating? You may do better if you front load your calories. Eat more calories earlier and respond to your hunger cues. A higher protein breakfast can be very helpful.

If it is a party with friends situation, what reason did you give yourself to get off plan? That is a clue to what you are needing. Did you feel peer pressure or were you afraid to be different? Sometimes in social situations, having food in our mouth keeps us busy, and quiet. If you are nervous, focus on the other person, try listening, or hold a drink or glass of water in your hand.

Next time, this may be a great opportunity to plan ahead to have an off meal. You are more likely to manage it better. For example, you can be picky about the dessert you choose, taste some and only have one.

Really go back to the feeling you had so you can set a realistic plan, or find a way to avoid the trigger so you can be successful. Ask yourself, what do I need to be successful there? What can I control? Don’t beat yourself up. It can take a lot of practice to work through a challenging moment. It may not be easy, but if you can get through it one time, you can do it again. Eventually a new brain pathway will be formed.