And Three Phases To Succeed At Any Plan

There is a part of human nature that is to joke about our mistakes. One of them is being a ‘bad girl.’ Dieting pressure combined with the feeling of not having control and choice in our lives may have created an environment ripe for the celebration that may come from quitting. The short term relief and feeling of freedom of not having to follow the plan. Often times, this helps us bond with others, which can further create a positive association with being a ‘bad girl.’

If you value being someone that is a ‘rebel’, standing up for values and what you believe in, that doesn’t really fit in with fitting in, does it? Bad girl jokes aside, your reason for getting off track is a personal one. I would encourage asking the real reason.

• Are you doing it to fit in?
• Are you stressed out?
• Is it a challenge that is coming up and you just need to learn to get past it?
• Do you just need to eat because you are hungry and this is the food option today.

Sometimes we just need to continue the next meal, let yourself get back on track. Knowing the reason can help you find a solution for yourself. Are you being pressured by a food pusher? A food pusher might be someone that gets value out of showing love through food. It can also be someone who likes to bond through eating, and sometimes that includes not being alone eating poorly. This can also be someone who doesn’t want you to change your eating because they believe it puts the spotlight on them if there is one less person eating ‘bad’ choices with them.

Often times, this helps us bond with others, which can further create a positive association with being a ‘bad girl.’

Social norms are very powerful. We are driven by them still because it helped us survive to be in groups. There is a strong social drive to fit in. This is a very powerful strategy used in all types of manipulation and marketing. Don’t believe me? Test it out for yourself. Next time everyone is saying yes, say no and watch what happens with you and others. If you are not even willing to do that, you already know. It is hard to admit that we want to fit in, but staying true to yourself is real freedom.

Next time everyone is saying ‘yes’, say ‘no’ and watch what happens.

If it is a close friend, perhaps they are afraid you will abandon them if you change. There are some people who don’t want you to look different. They are used to seeing themselves a certain way, playing an archetype. If you look better, this may threaten the way they want to be seen. They don’t want to not be in the spotlight.

Staying true to yourself is real freedom.

So, why track the ‘bad’ meal even if you know you will go over. Because of the association and learning it provides. First, it might not be as bad as you think. If you don’t know that, you may decide the day is ‘ruined’ and blow it even more. If the meal is over, the pain association with seeing that, is actually what will help motivate you. You just worked all week and sacrificed and because of one day that means you maintain for the week. With that motivation, you can revisit your other options. What could have worked instead? What could you order instead? Can you check the menu ahead? Ask for a different restaurant? Bring your own vegetables to the dinner? If none of those work, perhaps you can plan for it to fit within your weekly calories. This is also an option: suggest a social gathering that is not centered around food? 😱 You can share how hard it has been and what your goals are, perhaps that will get some support. I have also found that most people do want to make better choices, they just don’t want to be the first to speak up.

Most people say, ‘If I exercise, it makes me feel ahead and I want to make better choices anyway.’

There are three types of learning I see a person go through when they are tracking calories. They are Basic Math (basics of any plan), eating without real hunger (timing) and Personal Body Response. (Or what I would call personalizing your program.) You may be successful in the first phase but if you return to old ways you’ll regain weight. That is where you have to rework your old recipes. When you are craving comfort food, maybe you need to find some new options for comfort and healthier comforting foods.

This first phase can also be applied to any diet approach. If you are doing whole 30, it would be learning to the point where you are sticking to the plan regularly, learning the basics. The first phase in tracking calories where you are learning the Basic Math of calories. This is where you identify your number, how many calories it will take to lose weight, and just find the foods that will get you there, that you are willing to eat. At this phase it is important to: Keep Going! It is not going to be perfect from day one.

Start each day fresh. If you missed yesterday, track today. If you have stopped counting in the past because you know you will be over. Stop doing that. Track it anyway. That is where the real learning is applied. You can ask yourself, ‘What did you need yesterday to succeed?’ And make a plan for that when that trigger comes up.

Your main goal is to stay within the calories, and with repetition, you will learn the foods that get you there, and the foods that are not worth it. (That is why you must track ‘bad girl’ meals.)

Take each food that is making you go over, and one by one, replace it with a healthier option. This is how you make long term change and keep the weight off. Find the ‘healthier’ alternative that you can eat instead. For example, actually tracking may reinforce that soda is not supporting you in your new body, with a pain association. This pain association is why it is important to track anyway, especially when you know you may go over. So you can see how choosing those foods is the cause of you not hitting your goal, not to make you feel bad as a person.

Stick with it! Just keep the habit of tracking. Quit starting and stopping and saying that you will start on Monday, or next month, or after this Holiday. There is always something. That never works. There is a birthday next week and travel plans after that, then another holiday again. Keep tracking and reframing.

The second realization you may go through is how much you eat without hunger. This is where you realize that your calories are over due to eating when not hungry. Hunger and fullness signals are hormone reactions. If you start eating without hunger, satisfaction is not going to trigger either. Eat without hunger a few times a week, 500 calories a time and the math means that is extra 1500 calories a week. Over a month that is over a pound. 3500 calories makes a pound. There are many reasons we learn to eat without hunger. Observe your own and what you are feeling. Only then, can you meet the real need.

This should give you hope that you won’t be hungry trying to lose weight! Learn to give yourself the solution to the real need. If you are stressed, you need stress management. What helped me with this was never giving up, even though I was very challenged but made slow progress with small wins. Small wins over and over and then hit the tipping point or quantum effect.

What I recommend is the 4 step emotional eating process lined out in Intuitive Eating. It lines out a 4 step process that takes some patience to master. The first step is simply identifying your biological hunger. The last step is to find a way to meet that feeling or need another way. One option is to get out of the kitchen and just allow and accept the feeling. Learning to listen to your body is key. This will help you honor hunger cues. There may be a day where your hunger is higher than normal, knowing your body will help you to allow it. Understanding the whole picture will help you see that it may even itself out over the total weeks calories, or give you the opportunity to do so. The exception might show if you have a last supper because you already ate one cookie and go hog wild and eat past your fullness and comfort.

The final phase a person may use calorie tracking for is to see how their bodies respond to different foods, different methods. This is where you have already figured out and mastered how to basically stay within your calories and want to see how different methods work. (Lots of options)

Maybe you want to see how your body responds to different foods or approaches. After you incorporate mastering calorie counting with mindful eating body awareness, you can tune in. This might allow you to fine tune your program.

Reframe and stay neutral. It is important to recognize how close you are to your goal and how far you have come at this point, so you can stay patient and curious. Judgement will shut off your creative powers. So instead of thinking how can I… ? You may be thinking, “this is too hard.” In this phase of learning, it can be valuable to stick with one method you are trying at a time. This way you can see exactly if it works. Give it enough time!

Track it, calories (or the measurement of your plan) and track measurements and weight at a time frame that works for you. (Unless you aren’t tracking weight because it causes too much stress.)

Remember women are in a cycle of changing hormones, be patient.

Don’t freak out and give up if your weight goes up. There are many things that can cause weight to go up, inflammation, a plane ride, not going to the bathroom, more carbs. What is great is if you see these for yourself, you can catch yourself next time instead of freaking out.